the week that was a hot mess

This post is a bit more personal than the rest, so read on if you want...




The last few weeks have been well... tough emotionally. It's kind of hard for me not to feel rejected after two separate incidents happened in the same week.

One, a relationship I had with someone I had to do something about and end. I was feeling ignored and sidelined, and it was doing little for my self-esteem. It's probably for the best, at least for now, and I'm not sure if the relationship will resurface, but for right now I can't think that it will.

Two, I had a job interview for a new position and promotion at work. It was just between me and another person, and no, I did not get it. Honestly, I could not say I deserved it more than her, it felt equal. It was just not a work situation I wanted to be in, or will want to be in ever again. It was so draining emotionally.

That whole week was a disaster, a hot mess, an emotional train wreck, whatever you want to call it. I am not one who deals well with rejection. As a big girl now in the real world I know I will have to deal with it again and again. Regardless, let's not pretend it doesn't suck.

It's been taking a bit for me to bounce back from this. Some days I am fine, others, well they aren't so great. I'm not saying this to get sympathy, we all deal with our own issues and dealing with depression is one of mine. I wish I didn't have to, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It sucks, plain and simple.

I have to learn how to stop comparing myself to other people or I might never truly be happy with myself. I'll tell you about an interesting incident happened the other night. I was out with some teammates and one of them complimented me on some drawings of mine I posted on Facebook. The others starting talking about how they wish they had some kind of talent, you know like drawing or whatever. I was a little taken a back because I have always been jealous of these girls for their athletic abilities on the field and admired them, I never thought they would be jealous of me for any reason. It was a nice little boost of confidence, because we all have our own talents somewhere, right?

Trying to think positively can be really tough for me, but I have to be thankful that I am not one of those people that can't get out of bed, can't get out and do things, etc. I still enjoy my life, my family and my friends. Without them really, I wouldn't have anything.